If you want to truly emote with this blog entry, please play this song as you read on
The lyrics don’t match the blog, but the sobriety of the music fits perfectly.
The lyrics don’t match the blog, but the sobriety of the music fits perfectly.
Whoever says that “death is a natural part of life” has neither read the beginning, nor the end of the Book.
This truth came crashing home today somewhat unexpectedly.
Death was never part of the Plan, which is why it is so gut-wrenching. – even when it is just the death of the family dog. Human life is exponentially of more value than animals, but grief is powerful in both cases.
We never expected our dog to live forever, but her passing was sooner than any of us wished.
We got Tilly 3 years ago from a shelter in Madison, being told she was 3 years old.
She was quiet and shy. I think I can count on my hands the number of times we heard her bark. It was so rare that it was like a surprising treat. We even tried to bribe her to ‘speak’ for treats.
She was never aggressive. She was always tender toward our kids and put up with their playfulness.
Tilly was the only dog I have ever known or seen to actually “smile” when she was enjoying being pet. You had to see it to know it was not our imagination. Our smiling dog. Our crazy Matilda Brown who would go racing from one end of the house to the other, jumping up on and pivoting on our son’s bed all in one move, and then racing back
She sure had her eccentricities (she was afraid of most men, storms and cameras), but she was the sweetest mutt. She could hear the smoked string cheese bag being opened from a mile away, and would trot over, not to be denied.
Death is awful. This was never meant to be.
We learned yesterday that due to her age (much older than we thought) and health problems that she should probably be put down. We told our kids and then called a former vet friend, asking him to euthanize her for us, and tried to explain to the kids that this was best for Tilly.
‘Euthanize’ – such an eloquent word for such a miserable deed.
I went out back and tried to pick a spot I thought she would like; an area where she liked to chase the rabbits and deer from our property.
Digging a grave sucks, especially when its occupant meets you at the door with a wagging tail.
Today our friend stopped by with his vet kit while the kids were gone.
“I should warn you,” I told him, “I’m probably going to cry.”
“That’s OK,” he said, “I probably will too.”
Her passing was peaceful and at home – not in the cold, sterile, unfamiliar environs of our regular vet.
After our friend left, I wrapped Tilly in a sheet and my wife and I laid her to rest in the woods beyond our backyard.
Filling in a grave sucks – especially when your just-passed friend’s body still carries warmth. The shovel is heavier than mere wood and metal.
I sobbed more than I thought I would today, and the grief continues to well up out of the blue.
To be certain, this is nowhere near as painful as our miscarriage of a few years back, but it still is wrecking my soul, because death is like that. It is not the way it should be.
After work, our family wrote memorial stones for Tilly and laid them on her fresh grave along with flowers, her collar and tags nailed to the tree above the site. We thanked God for such a good dog and we cried. Rachel read a beautiful poem she wrote for Tilly.
Much of the rest of the day seems like just ‘getting through the day.’ My daughter asked later on, “she’s not coming back?”
Death is a heartless thief.
If evolution is reality, then grief has no part of death, because we, and all things, are mere atoms and crude matter and energy haphazardly colliding.
But death is agonizing (even the death of animals)
It is... because an amazingly wonderful Creator made all things good and made them lasting. His creation – mankind - rebelled and brought this agony – this death – through sin. The fracture in our hearts we experience at a death echoes the fracture of all creation because of sin.
But this perfect God made a way for humans to not fear death, or the grave. The Bible is silent on the fate of animals. They are not image bearers and do not have souls. BUT, I would not be surprised that in His grace and mercy and His delight in delighting us with unexpected joys, that Jesus will allow us to reunite with passed on pets.
And in the end, God tells us He will make all things new and that there is a place beyond sorrow and pain, where life will never end, because death is defeated and the grave has no sting.
I really miss my furry friend Tilly, and my heart is still breaking today. I’m still mourning and weeping over the missing dog in our house and the missing dog in my heart.
